Having no desire to write is not a good thing. Now granted there have been a couple of ties that I could of but didn’t feel the need to type it out. Sometimes I tend to jump around and thoughts get jumbled and then it’s just a mess. Anger and being upset tend to get in the way of my thoughts coming out the way they should.
So today lets talk about friendship. First lets give a definition of what it really means: I grabbed this from Dictionary.com
Friendship
noun
1 the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person’s friendship
2 a friendly relation or intimacy
3 friendly feeling or disposition
Ok now that we have that out of the way, lets discuss why people have no clue on how to be a friend or be able to maintain a friendship. So I have this “friend” (lets call her A) we have been friend for quite some time and by quite some time I am talking like 15 years close to pushing 20 years. Anyways thing have been rocky for the last 5-6 years. I gave it my heart and soul in the beginning and now it’s at the end and I get nothing. Now yes I am writing this from my point of view and I am not placing all of the blame on “A” since friendship is a two way street. I just feel that since we hit a fork in the road like 5-6 years ago she choose the left path and I chose the right path. She claims to be the person she was years ago but I just have disagree with her. She might as well be a fresh 21 year old. I am not sure who she is and quite frankly I am not sure I really want to get to know this new person.
I have had a bunch of time to think about it and dwell on it and I just can’t even drum up the right words to tell her to stop giving me the guilt trip and own up to your mistakes. She does this every time and then I feel like an ass and fix what is or went wrong. I went back and read some of our arguments and it the same things every time. It’s like she never even hears what I am saying and it’s the same thing. She would rather go out and be with her single friends with no children than come and hang out with her friend with children. Mind you she has children but is divorced so she can go out. I am not saying that she shouldn’t go out crap I would if I could. We last hung out back in May of this year just the two of us. I am trying to figure out how she things that is a friendship. She has come over to show us a puppy and she stayed for an hour tops. We met at a park once so the kids could play but that was it. Oh and I walked with her at the MS Walk. I also went to her son’s b-day at CEC (Chuck E Cheese). She did come to both of my kids b-day parties but one of them she came in such a bad mood that I didn’t even want her there. Oh and at both parties she was texting with people. Not all of the time but enough that I told her that I would take the phone from her. Yeah she can’t stay off the damn thing and that bugs me. It never leaves her side and she never ignores it. So sad that I can count on two hands how many times I saw her during the summer. Very sad and I shake my head in shame.
Now how much and I at fault for this friendship that has crumbled? About 50% maybe a little less. Hey I can’t go out to bars and if I could she would have her kids and couldn’t go out. See where the problem lies? Have I called enough probable not but when I did call she wouldn’t call me back. By the time she did call me it was to tell me of a new problem that she had. Phone calls get old when they don’t have anything to with yourself at all. Not that every phone call was like this but most were. She hates when phone calls are so one sided so it makes me laugh becuase that how most of her phone calls are to me.
I am not really sure why I wrote this, maybe it’s because I just needed to get it out or it’s because I haven’t sent “A” her response back to her little letter. Yeah it was the same thing “Have a nice life, I will be fine, I have moved on, I am really happy” It’s the same thing she writes every time and it’s always I, I, I. I am not sure how many ties she has to tell me that she is fine, happy and has moved on. I am not sure she is really deep down happy or fine but I will never be the one to tell her. Does that make me a bad friend yes and no. First she wouldn’t listen and second let her figure it out on her own. No one learns from their mistakes from someone telling them.
♥Zillie♥
So today lets talk about friendship. First lets give a definition of what it really means: I grabbed this from Dictionary.com
Friendship
noun
1 the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person’s friendship
2 a friendly relation or intimacy
3 friendly feeling or disposition
Ok now that we have that out of the way, lets discuss why people have no clue on how to be a friend or be able to maintain a friendship. So I have this “friend” (lets call her A) we have been friend for quite some time and by quite some time I am talking like 15 years close to pushing 20 years. Anyways thing have been rocky for the last 5-6 years. I gave it my heart and soul in the beginning and now it’s at the end and I get nothing. Now yes I am writing this from my point of view and I am not placing all of the blame on “A” since friendship is a two way street. I just feel that since we hit a fork in the road like 5-6 years ago she choose the left path and I chose the right path. She claims to be the person she was years ago but I just have disagree with her. She might as well be a fresh 21 year old. I am not sure who she is and quite frankly I am not sure I really want to get to know this new person.
I have had a bunch of time to think about it and dwell on it and I just can’t even drum up the right words to tell her to stop giving me the guilt trip and own up to your mistakes. She does this every time and then I feel like an ass and fix what is or went wrong. I went back and read some of our arguments and it the same things every time. It’s like she never even hears what I am saying and it’s the same thing. She would rather go out and be with her single friends with no children than come and hang out with her friend with children. Mind you she has children but is divorced so she can go out. I am not saying that she shouldn’t go out crap I would if I could. We last hung out back in May of this year just the two of us. I am trying to figure out how she things that is a friendship. She has come over to show us a puppy and she stayed for an hour tops. We met at a park once so the kids could play but that was it. Oh and I walked with her at the MS Walk. I also went to her son’s b-day at CEC (Chuck E Cheese). She did come to both of my kids b-day parties but one of them she came in such a bad mood that I didn’t even want her there. Oh and at both parties she was texting with people. Not all of the time but enough that I told her that I would take the phone from her. Yeah she can’t stay off the damn thing and that bugs me. It never leaves her side and she never ignores it. So sad that I can count on two hands how many times I saw her during the summer. Very sad and I shake my head in shame.
Now how much and I at fault for this friendship that has crumbled? About 50% maybe a little less. Hey I can’t go out to bars and if I could she would have her kids and couldn’t go out. See where the problem lies? Have I called enough probable not but when I did call she wouldn’t call me back. By the time she did call me it was to tell me of a new problem that she had. Phone calls get old when they don’t have anything to with yourself at all. Not that every phone call was like this but most were. She hates when phone calls are so one sided so it makes me laugh becuase that how most of her phone calls are to me.
I am not really sure why I wrote this, maybe it’s because I just needed to get it out or it’s because I haven’t sent “A” her response back to her little letter. Yeah it was the same thing “Have a nice life, I will be fine, I have moved on, I am really happy” It’s the same thing she writes every time and it’s always I, I, I. I am not sure how many ties she has to tell me that she is fine, happy and has moved on. I am not sure she is really deep down happy or fine but I will never be the one to tell her. Does that make me a bad friend yes and no. First she wouldn’t listen and second let her figure it out on her own. No one learns from their mistakes from someone telling them.
So to “A” I do want to be your friend but to the person you were 7 years ago. I don’t want to be your friend to the person you are today. So if that means not being your friend by all means so be it. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that that happy life you are living and the friend that are supposedly your “Besties/Sisters” are around forever. I can pretty much guess they won’t be so I am sure you will come crawling back sooner or later (make it later than sooner ok) hopefully you will then be able to admit your wrongs and that you really were a shitty friend for the last 5-6 years.
♥Zillie♥
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